Spring is always fickle in the Northeast, even to the point of refusing to arrive in a timely manner. This year it seems the season is stuck in a holding pattern somewhere near a VOR south of Valdosta, Georgia with no ETD in sight.

Perhaps because the northern half of the country is so anxious to get out of the gloom of winter, the populace is easy prey for snake oil thinkers. The culture of aviation is, of course, no exception. To wit our case:

In Chicago, Mayor Richard Daily II launched a commando raid on the city's lakeside Meigs Airfield. Perhaps inspired by the success of Coalition Forces in seizing Baghdad International, a unit of the Chicago Civil Service Light Pot Hole and Excavation Expeditionary Battalion, seized Meigs under cover of darkness and carved "X's" onto the runway. This stranded all private aircraft parked on the ramp and served notice to the AOPA brass hunkered down at their headquarters inside the Beltway, that Windy City commandos had secured their objective.

Now to be fair, there are thoughtful arguments on both sides for and against operations at Meigs, it just seems that grinding "X's" into concrete is a tad over zealous. We just hope the city of Chicago is treating all hostage aircraft under the rules of the Geneva Convention and that rumors City of Chicago Special Forces have acquired AOPA President Phil Boyer's DNA, are patently untrue.

On the other side of the Atlantic according to a report in THE NEW YORK TIMES, Aeroflot Russian Airlines has undergone a bit of a makeover. During the heyday of the old Soviet Union the airline was better known for flight attendants that resembled bouncers, frost encrusted cabins with gulag style ambiance, and a dismal safety record. Not anymore. Today Aeroflot is flying Boeing 767's and made a $70 million profit in 2002. This, at a time when American, United and USAir have about as much cash as a squeegee guy at the entrance to the Queens Midtown Tunnel.

Back in the States, Hooters Inc. announced it was starting its own airline. Initial service is between Newark, Atlanta and Myrtle Beach. Hooters is of course better known for hot wings and for a politically incorrect clientele that admires the waitresses as much as the cuisine. According to THE TIMES, the flight crew and flight attendants will all wear traditional style uniforms, however company "ground personnel" will occasionally walk through the cabin.

The weirdness of the season continues in a report from FLYING that notes a charter operator out of Houston is now offering nude flights. Passengers will board the aircraft fully clothed, but will be able to disrobe at cruising altitude. The flight and cabin crew will remain clothed at all times. No hot beverages or meals will be served --- how thoughtful.

Let's close our eyes and pray real hard for the month of June.

Albin Cofone